Talking about periods and bodies with your daughter

A lot of adults remember their own introduction to periods as a pamphlet, an awkward five minutes, or nothing at all. We can do better, and it's easier than it sounds.

Start earlier than you think

First periods usually arrive somewhere between about 9 and 16, and the body gives signs well before that: breast development, growth spurts, body hair. It's much better to talk before the first period than after. A girl who knows what's coming is far less likely to be frightened when it happens at school.

It doesn't need to be one big talk. A series of small, matter-of-fact conversations over a couple of years works better and feels less intense.

Keep it ordinary

Periods are a normal part of life for roughly half the population. The more ordinary you make them at home, the less shame your daughter is likely to carry. Some ways to do that:

• Use the proper words. Period, vagina, uterus, pad, tampon.
• Keep products somewhere visible, not hidden away.
• If you menstruate, it's fine to mention it casually. "I've got my period so I'm a bit tired today."
• Answer questions straight, even if they come at odd moments like the supermarket queue.

What to cover

Over time, she'll want to know:

• What a period is and why it happens, in simple terms.
• That the first couple of years are often irregular, and that's common.
• The different products (pads, tampons, period underwear, menstrual cups) and that she can try whichever suits her.
• What to do if it starts at school: who to ask, and that keeping a pad in her bag is a good idea.
• That some pain and mood changes are common, and what helps.
• What's not normal: very heavy bleeding, pain that stops her doing ordinary things, or periods that last well over a week. These are reasons to see a GP.

Let her set the pace. Some girls want every detail. Others want the basics and then to change the subject immediately. Both are fine.

For dads

Plenty of dads are raising daughters, and many feel out of their depth here. You don't need to be an expert. What she needs is to know she can come to you without you flinching.

A simple line helps: "I don't know everything about periods, but I want you to know you can always tell me if you need stuff or aren't feeling great. We'll figure it out." Then make it practical. Keep supplies stocked without being asked. Put a hot water bottle and some chocolate in her room without comment. If she asks you to pick up pads, do it the same way you'd pick up milk.

If there's a trusted woman in her life, like an aunt, a grandmother or a family friend, it can help to have her in the loop too. That's not because dads can't do this. It's because more safe people to ask is always better.

Bodies beyond periods

Periods are one part of a bigger picture. Puberty brings changes in skin, sweat, weight, shape and feelings, and it happens at different speeds for everyone. Try to keep the tone curious and kind. Avoid comments about her body's size or shape, even compliments. She's likely hearing plenty of that elsewhere.

If she doesn't want to talk

Some teens find this incredibly embarrassing. That's okay. Leave a good book or a reputable website open on the family computer, or say, "I'm not going to make you talk about it. Just know you can ask me anything, any time." And then mean it.